Celebrating fuel
at N885, Roban’s bread, emerging traveling model
On 6th of
September, 2024, I went to Awka. It is not what you think! I did not go to
Agu-Awka to ‘hussle’ for a contract, or for an executive handshake with the
Governor, or to endorse any of the
candidates or any of the factions of APGA. I accompanied my youngest child for a business
at Clinix Healthcare and you know the
type of business an ordinary fellow would have with Clinix. Note that Nd’Igbo do not have ‘last
child’ because there is always a
possibility and high probability of accidental
discharge or afterthought product! As a background, I had bought N50000 worth of fuel two days earlier(4/9/24) at N998/ltr. It
barley covered a half of the car tank,
which contained some fuel before that
transaction. This evidenced the fact that fuelling a car had become a capital budgeting decision
which requires capital allocation
techniques, like IRR and NPV. The price of fuel had moved
from N750 to N770, and then leaped to
N998, to N1100 and then N1200 per litre! These movements occurred within a week
while the last three happened within 36 hours. The ‘peoples’ retail
outlets’, were selling at N1300!
I had gone to Unizik Teaching
Hospital Nnewi on 5/9/24 and by the
time I got to Awka, less than 1 hour
travel time, my fuel gauge was telling me unpleasant story.
I have never been hypertensive
but my heart was dancing gwo-gwo-gwon-gwo anytime I
watched the fuel gauge. And driving became more danger-prone as I was
studiously watching the fuel gauge, rather than the road and the side or front mirrors.
I had been window-shopping at all fuel-stations along the road to see if I could get a good bargain but the
damn thing was selling at N1100 averagely!
Anyway, I got to Awka. Not much happened along
the road apart from an interaction with
our friends( or fiends) in uniform, and people and machines
working furiously on Dubai-Taiwan expressway from Amawbia to Ekwulobia . I got to the Clinix at Ekwueme
Road and we finished after about 2 hours. They then gave us three options on
how to collect the outcomes: wait for another 3 hours, come back the following
day or submit details for online
collection. Waiting for three more hours, after already consuming 2 hours, was
dreary and returning to Awka with BATified
fuel( which appears to be combusting at faster than ever before) was a no-no
option. So, we opted for Option A3. But rather than
collect the details from us, they asked that we should wait a little bit more. My mind now went to the fuel gauge
sitrep and I decided to try my luck at NNPC, rather than burning my expensive man-hours, idling away at Clinix.
On my way, I noticed the signboard of
Roban Stores and decided to go search of Hollandia milk, which I was persuaded
had minimal sugar content.
When I got to the expansive Roban Stores, the one-serve pack was out of stock and I decided to leave. My nostril was however invaded by the aroma from the bakery axis and I decided to buy just one loaf of sliced bread. I insist on sliced bread because it helps in portion-control since I would be sure of the quantity passing through my throat. Even at that, my pro-bono dietician must not hear that I got near a slice of bread or sachet of milk. Please, do not tell her! I learnt that the loaf of bread went for N1600. N1600 in these hard times for an average sized loaf of bread? I looked at it again and noticed that it appeared smaller than the free-form ones. I also remembered that my preferred loaf when I visited Aba last( Irish Sandwich), appeared bigger and was for just N1000. However, it doesn’t have the Roban stamp! Anyway, haven gotten to the place, I decided to buy it. When I got to the pay-point, I met some people who appeared not to know that we were in an era of TINIBUlation, given the quantity of this and that they bought. I calculated that it would take me almost 1 hour to pay for a loaf of bread and I was tempted to drop it and adopt the walk away option. However, I was led by the Spirit to plead with two young ladies before me in the queue to allow me to ‘shunt’ and they graciously agreed. I thanked them profusely, especially the one directly at the pay-point. The cashier then billed me N1650 and that was where the ‘troblem’ started. I sparked, asking her why she wanted to swindle me N50 in these BATified times and she said it was stamp duty! Stamp Duty on a loaf of bread? I grudgingly paid and asked her to take note of my face because I would be back over the N50 matter. Ordinary N50? Yes! I had once deployed DHL to send a protest-letter against Hallmark Bank at Marina, Lagos. The amount in dispute was N100 but the DHL cost N1000 to deliver the letter to a location that was less than 500 metres from my office at ESUT Business School but I did not mind! So, Please, Mazi Zacchaeus at FIRS and Dr Greg at AIRS hould please affirm or disaffirm that N50 stamp duty for a loaf of bread is in order and I will take it up from there. I eventually saw the milk in question elsewhere at N250 per sachet, something that went for N50 the other day! The last time I bought it, the carton price was N125 apiece. And the content has received a 50% haircut! You can go and verify!! Yet, some people are telling us that inflation is heading downwards.
After the distraction by
Robans, I went to NNPC. On my way, I came across a Rainoil station, and I
wanted to see if their prices were more OBIdient so that I would abort the trip
and save myself the stress and manpower cost of queueing for hours at NNPC. But
there was not much difference between their price and what was obtainable at
Igbo-Ukwu and so, to NNPC I went. I joined the queue, which was mercifully briefer than what it was
earlier in the day. I checked the TOR(
time of arrival) and the EToD( Expected Time of Departure), and
bought a handful of boiled groundnuts with a bottle of water to keep me busy
for the arduous task. Surprisingly, in less than 40 minutes, I was being served
at N885/Ltr. I filled my car-tank to the brim and pleaded with the pump attendant to help me
with fuel for my gen but was informed it was against the policy. I begged,
cajoled, coaxed, dramatized, explained the distance I had covered to Awka, and asked her to pour
the generator-fuel into my pockets since I could not carry my generator from
IgboUkwu to Awka! Eventually, the resolve of pump-attendant melted and I bought
some extra litres for my generator and all came at the humongous cost of N71000!. Remember that I had
bought for N50000 two days previously.
I didn’t bother when she
told me that they charged N100 per POS patronage. NNPC charging N100 for POS?
Anyway, I was so elated, and smiled like somebody who had just won a lottery.
Why not; the gap between what I paid and what I would have paid at Igbo-Ukwu
was N25000 at the filling stations and about N40000 at the white market! I did not want to remember
that it was N197/ltr at the onset of BATification. I rather chose
to remember that it was 1200 a t Igbo-Ukwu. It is all about attitude. I was
also lucky that no policemen stopped me on my way back because it is now an offence to have a full tank of fuel: You
must explain the source of income that funded such an expensive venture!!!
Meanwhile at Port Harcourt , ‘I ka o n’adu’( where it is supposed to abound), fuel sold at 1350 as
at 7/9/24 and at Aba, it was 1400 as at 11/9/24.My business at Clinix and the
fuel I bought within 48 hours were jointly more than N50% of my Band-A salary. It is
a sign of the times because my salary has received a haircut of up to 70% in real terms in the last 15 months. If in doubt, go and verify or go
to court!!!
As I write, the generator fuel has gone down
by 30% and the car gauge has moved towards 40% This is because I was at my
Sabbatical School, Chukwu Emeka Odumegwu Ojukwu University, Igbariam ( from OOU to COOU!!!) on 10/9/23
and had earlier restricted my generator usage to 3 hours maximum, daily. This is worrisome!
I have considered my options. I would have gone back to Awka, this time
specifically for fuel. But there is no certainty as to whether there would be
fuel that day or if they would deploy only one dispenser, a regular practice of
our downstream people whenever there is scarcity, or what the
road would be like including kidnap probability. Furthermore, having spent N120000 on fuel in the past 1 week, I needed
to ask myself some SERIOUS questions. Most important, I don’t have a petroleum
storage and distribution license from
NUPRC and I don’t want to be accused of economic crimes and to become a
customer of the recently reenergised and hyperactive DSS! Somebody had advised
me to sell my spare-tyre and use the proceeds to buy fuel. I agreed with him
but asked him what I would do when the fuel-deity required my financial
attention in the subsequent few days.
That is what we are still discussing as I write!
By the way, I am still awaiting the advice
from my tax friends on the N50 stamp duty for a loaf of bread. I am also
engaging an Advertising guru to collect my charges from ALL the brands
mentioned in this column. Because it is after-effect billing, I
will offer a generous commission of 50% to anyone who would undertake the job
Other
Matters
1)A new classification of humanity and a new definition
of stupidity
Pat Utomi has just given
us a new definition of STUPIDITY. The copyright however belongs to Carlo M Cipolla who defines a stupid person as
somebody who causes harm to others, even when he does
not benefit from that action and may even suffer losses thereby. He then goes
on to propound the 5 laws of stupidity:1 We always underestimate the number of
stupid people in circulation.2: the probability of stupidity is independent of
other characteristics like education and wealth;3 the stupid person supporting
actions that harm others may not think of personal benefits from such actions 4:
non-stupid people underestimate the danger of associating with stupid people
and that underestimation will eventually impact on them negatively.5: The
stupid person is the most dangerous
person, often more dangerous than bandits. As a corollary to this, Cipolla
classified humans into four: The intelligent (who pursue win-win options
by taking actions that benefit
themselves and others, bandits (who benefit themselves by harming
others) unfortunate( who do harm while trying to do good) and the stupid who seek
harm to others without benefiting from it.
We all remember the Greek
tripartite typology of idiots (who think of themselves
alone) tribesmen( who think and emphatise with others along
parochial lines like race, language, religion) and citizens( who respect
human dignity, and seek all the good for all the men all the time). If you combine
all these, you will understand why Pat argued in ‘the danger of stupid
idiots’, that the most harmful to the society is a person who is idiotically stupid or stupidly idiotic!!
2)Optimising a Vehicle’s
FVPT
Owing to the
excruciating fuel scarcity and cost,
this fellow decided to optimise the vehicles FVPT( Financial Value Per
Trip). He forgot that some of his regular friends were waiting on the
highway. They are still negotiating the
sharing formular for the estimated FVPT and they have engaged me as a
consultant. However, my sympathy lies with the vehicle, which was denied any
iota of justice and dignity and the driver thinking about school fees and chop-money
at home. I need your advice on how I should advise them!
3: BATs scorecard
I now agree that BAT has done WONDERfully well. I align with the
views of onemindxgram on this matter. Please ignore my previous
views on the subject matter because I have repented. Now, read on( noting that grammar
no be success)!!!
There is no need going to court on this one; it is a positive confession of
faith on BATism!
-
“Find a great mentor, someone who has already been through the many challenges of being an entrepreneur..” -Jodi Levine
Entrepreneurship in Practice: Cases, Challenges and Lessons By IK, MUO PHD is now available on Amazon, since 14/5/21. Click here to view Available for order +2348033026625 | Delivery: Worldwide
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