Strange story from Ikoyi Passport Office: Your Payment has expired! -Ik Muo, PhD.

 

@ Ikoyi PPT Office, 4/10/21

Sometimes in 2020, I was at the Ikoyi Passport Office to renew my passport. It was a pleasurable experience because there was an elders’ ‘lounge’ where the son of man was treated courteously and ‘fast-fast’. There were some not-so-old people there but that is Nigeria for you. On Monday, 4/10/21, I had to go back to the same office for the same purpose. Again, it did not take much time but I was (and am still) shocked by what I was told: that my payment, which was duly received and confirmed, had expired! Expired? How come? Anyway, lets begin from the beginning.

I had gone to renew my passport at the FESTAC Passport Office and for whatever reason, I was referred to the Ikoyi office. I got to Ikoyi, received an express treatment and left.  Everything however went awry when I wanted to pick up the passport. I was informed that there was a mistake in my DOB (Death of Birth) as stated in my NIN document and that I had to rectify it with National Identity Management Commission (NIMC). I went to the place where I was ‘captured’ (That was the second capturing) and I was told that I must do it at NIMC Office, Alausa. It was at the height of the Coro-invasion and I did not wish to knowingly risk my life, especially after seeing the uncoordinated crowd at the  NIMC office, Alausa.

Disorganised Crowd at NIMC Office

I later spoke to a NIMC official in Anambra State and he referred me to another staff, who then gave me two bills: an official bill (N15000) and another bill to fast-track the process. The second was much more than the first. I left it at that. I eventually went to NIMC Alausa with one of my adult students, a top-notch bureaucrat with the Lagos State Government, and we had an easy access to the NIMC office. Incidentally, when I got to the point of ‘capture’ (the third time) the officer in charge happened to be my ‘sister’, whose home town is about 5 minutes’ drive from mine. I was also requested to pay the official fee but no fast-tracking fee was demanded. I then asked why people must pay heavily for changes of DOB. I was informed that it was because of the machinations of evil servants who were (and are) always changing their DOBs so as to manipulate their retirement dates.  In fact, I gathered that it was easier to change my name than to change my DOB! I asked why I had to be captured again rather than taking the particulars (Birth Certificate, Baptismal Card, Driver’s license and my previous passport, which all bore the same date). I was told that it was (and still is) the process and that it had to be completed at NIMC HQ, Abuja. I was ‘captured’ again and assured that it was all over.

However, when I wanted to activate my pension status with NUPEMCO (ASUU-owned and approved Pension Fund Administrator), I was informed that they had issue with the same DOB. I called my sister at NIMC, who assured me that the DOB matter had been settled for good. On 23/9/21, the NIMC itself sent me a message that my ‘application for DOB correction has been affected’. I called the passport office and I was told that I had to be recaptured. I had expected that they would just input the correct DOB and let me be. So, I had to undergo the stress of travelling from Ago-Iwoye to Lagos and to the passport office. I don’t know why they are all fond of this continuous capturing and recapturing! Anyway, I obtained permission from my Oga at the top and came into Lagos over the weekend so as to have a stress-free and seamless trip to the Passport office on Monday, 4/10/21.

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Since I left Lagos 17 years ago, I had become increasingly reluctant to drive within that chaotic city, where the only qualification for driving is to have a good dose of madness. This is because, every other driver is mad, and thus, one has to be mad enough so as to engage meaningfully with other mad drivers. For instance, in Lagos, the only way to ascertain who is right on the road is to engage in a shouting contest and whoever shouts highest and ‘baddest’, wins the day. So, I decided to use public transport. At Cele bus-stop, there was no vehicle going to CMS, which is the traffic hub for Lagos Island.  The queue of awaiting CMS passengers was up to 100 meters (but at least there was some order). I waited, looked at my watch, remembered that the appointment was for 10am, tried other options and boarded a ‘two-wheeled vehicle’ to Lawanson, a bus-stop nearer to CMS. When I got there, there was just one sit left in the bus on ground. I could have captured that last sit but it meant upstaging one elderly woman who arrived there at same time with me. So, I left the vacant sit for her and waited for the next bus. Again, there was no bus and unlike the previous bus-stop, the passengers here were disorderly and I was not in the mood to join in the mad rush that would surely ensue when the bus eventually arrived; and nobody was sure when the bus would arrive. I decided to take a taxi and that was that.  However, it was ‘traffic squared’ in Lagos and the only reason I got to Ikoyi Passport Office that day was because the driver knew all the apian ways around town.

So, I got there, got to the capturing point in good enough time (so fast that I did not even have the opportunity to look at the seminar paper I had taken there to keep me busy) and that was where my ‘troblem’ started. The pleasant young man had already commenced the process when he looked at the file and said flatly: ‘your payment had expired’. Expired? What does that mean? He said that it meant that it had expired because it was so-written. In effect, what is written is written (John,19:22) and that I had to make another payment. This is broad-day thievery!   I paid for passport renewal; the passport has not been and I am being boldly told that the payment, which was duly received had expired. And the only reason is that it’s the policy. If you paid rent and received the keys but fail to occupy, the payment expires at the end of the period. If you paid for a bus for a given trip and the sit was reserved for you and you fail to arrive and ‘occupy’, then your payment has expired. If you paid your rent but the landlord did not hand over the keys or did not affect the pre-occupation repairs, or if you bought a ticket but the bus failed to make the trip for whatever reason, then, the payment is still valid. So, how could my payment for passport renewal, which was duly received, have expired when my passport had not been renewed? And it is not as if a date was allotted specifically for me and all the staff and equipment were scheduled for me and I failed to appear? In the US where gun ownership is democratised, somebody might have had a taste of it!

 I am still consulting on the next line of action. To sue, to ‘Occupy’ the Passport office (one man riot), to abandon the passport in protest or to go spiritual (casting and binding, invoke the Holy-Ghost fire, go on 40 days dry fasting or adopt the fall and die model). This may even give me the opportunity to ‘break the internet’; which I have been dreaming of for a long while. Many options are being considered, if I do not receive a reasonable feedback before long. One-man protest, 50% or 100% naked (that is how they ‘break’ the internet!); camping with my family with matrasses and cooking utensils at the Ikoyi Passport Office gate (Ikemba Ojukwu did so at the same Ikoyi years ago), invoking bees and swaps on the office and its officials for 40 days, 40 day non-stop rain in the compound only (a fate worse than Noah’s) or importing the fiery Ojunkutanaya  the majestic Ajofia or the charismatic Odojili  Masquerades (all from Igbo-Ukwu) or the titled Ohimilikwe masquerade (from Oraeri) assembling the four of them simultaneously at the passport office.

Dreadful masquerades warming up for Ikoyi Passport Office!

The essence is to break the internet and achieve the desired result: the renewal of my passport, without another payment. I am still thinking and strategizing but those who love the Ikoyi Passport Office and its ‘citizens’ should persuade them to act soon, so as to avoid all these deleterious consequences. You can also beg me to calm down before it is too late!

-Ik Muo, PhD. Department of Business Admin, Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ago-Iwoye

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