Flattened Curve2, vaccines, vaccination, and conspiracy theories - Ik Muo, PhD.

 

A lot appears to be happening on the Coro front, the cheeriest of which is that we have flattened the curve for the second time. On 21/3/21, we had only 86 fresh cases with 131 on 22/3/21, and a 7-day average of 139. One can confidently say that things are looking up, (even though literarily, the figures are looking down).  However, the total number tested as at 22/3/21 was 1,727,427 and this is not up to 1% of our guesstimate-based population. This casts a pale shadow on the statistical underpinning of flattened-curve 2, as well as other discussions and decisions based on the figures.

 The AstraZeneca vaccination programme has commenced, with Dr Nyong, whose father had earlier died of Coro, as the first recipient. The president, who has outsourced his role as the National Incident Commander to PTF et al, has been jabbed live on TV, just like other political and public figures. Lagos State which started the program on 15/3/21 at 88 facilities across the 20 LGAs made the record of vaccinating 12720 people within 48 hours (including 3442 healthcare workers, 3796 frontline workers, and 260 strategic leaders). As at 22/3/21, it has jabbed 58461 while Nigeria has done 217277 with Abia, Kogi, Niger, Oyo Zamfara and Taraba states yet to activate the vaccination button. However, while we received 3.9m doses and jabbed 215000, Ghana, which received 600000 doses has jabbed 420,000 while Rwanda has jabbed 320000 out of 400,000 doses. And then, the conspiracy theories and theorists have taken over the discourse. People have even doubted whether there was ‘anything’ in the syringe with which the physically rejuvenated PMB was jabbed!

Since the onset of ‘coronisation’ in December 2019, we have had to contend with assorted conspiracy theories: That there  was nothing like Coro, that it was a medical warfare from China, that in Nigeria, it was and is an avenue for self-enrichment and that some people created the Coro myth so as to design a vaccine for  money-making. When the vaccines were developed, sceptics  across the globe queried the speed with which it was made as an evidence of a hidden agenda. They wondered why there had been no vaccines for oldies like Ebola and malaria while that of Coro was developed within a twinkling of an eye. It was also argued that the vaccines would be used to alter human DNA, implant some chips so as to monitor and manipulate people and that it was a strategy to depopulate the black world.   Bill gates was particularly mentioned and maligned in this regard. There were then reports of various side effects, including those who died, who got shorter or fatter or grew more gray hairs after jabbing and that the AstraZeneca vaccine caused blood clots. As I layman, I know that different people react differently to different medicines. In Nigeria, it was argued that the FG went for AstraZeneca, which is the 4^th in terms of effectiveness because it did not care for the peoples’ welfare.  Of course, Yahaya Bello who denied the reality of Coro also made a caricature of the vaccine and vaccination and has frustrated any efforts to jab in Kogi state. And them, some countries across the world suspended the deployment of the AstraZeneca vaccines and that gave more flip to the conspiracy theories.

Suspending AstraZeneca Vaccine, Thailand, 12/3/21

Many people are confused, skeptical and are reluctant to jab due to these conspiracy theories. I just got a report that a jabbing center in Lagos  was populated by Chinese and Indian nationals, while Nigerians have continued to stay away.

Machiavelli (The Prince) had argued that one of the reasons why change was (and continues to be) the most perilous undertaking was that those who opposed the change were very vociferous in its  antagonistic antics while those who favored the change did not make much positive noise. In this case, those who are against the vaccines are engaged in propaganda, subterfuge and socio-psychic warfare while those in support are not making serious efforts to market their  support of the vaccine. As for me I have already registered for the vaccination online and I will take it one of these days.  One of my children  and some of my close friends have also gone through the process. Never mind the reports that people are hawking vaccination slots and that there were severe cases of vaccine mishandling and mismanagement, especially at Police Clinic, Falomo. Lagos. I also believe that the ubiquitous Whiteman will not derive any benefit from   decimating the black race and that if they wanted, there are many subtle ways of doing so; Afterall those who can afford it take their Medicare overseas and in any case, we depend on them for almost everything, including basic medicines. If they wanted to insert microchips, why didn’t they do it through the GSM lines or the internet? However, I have just one question for the relevant authorities: What are the plans for vaccination sustainably after we must have finished this baba-dash-me doses? How many doses of which brands have we ordered firmly (apart from the 300000 doses from MTN)  and when are the expected arrival dates?  Why is the private sector not allowed to import the vaccines, despite obvious funding and logistic challenges?  Afterall, the only purpose-built aircraft for vaccine distribution was bough by Allied Air but was received with fanfare by the Federal Government. Meanwhile, the European Medicines Agency (EU drug regulator), has affirmed that AstraZeneca is safe and effective thereby agreeing with WHO and our own NAFDAC, which has also given a thumbs up for the covid-shield vaccine, licensed by AstraZeneca. It is now certified that Trump, despite his lackadaisical attitude to Coro containment, was jabbed with his wife before he left Whithouse!

Before all these, there have been several other developments. A study by the National Institute for Health Research (NIHR) and the  Leicester Biomedical Research Centre has found that slow walkers( less than 4.8km per hour) are 4 times more likely to die from Coro  than fast walkers(6.4km )and 2.5 times more likely to develop severe Coro symptoms.

 Obesity: Double trouble

Another study also found that African men are more likely to die of Coro than African women. But African men die more than African women, of and from, everything, including depression, heart attack, ‘pocketities’,  road accidents, old-age loneliness syndrome ,accidental discharge and so on! If in doubt,  compare the number of widows and widowers in any gathering of your choice. So, I don’t see any need for that research. A study  by Italian researchers has also proved that the Pfizer vaccine is less effective in obese people and that was  after another study has declared that obesity increases the chances of dying of Coro by 50%. This is double-trouble for the obese! In a rare medical case, an unborn child had died in her mother’s womb after contracting Coro from her Israeli mother at Assuta Hospital in Ashdod.

As NAFDAC was warning Nigerians against fake vaccines, Chinese Police has arrested 80 people in the very act of faking vaccines( they had manufactured 3000 doses)  just as it happened in South Africa. 5 people have also been arrested for issuing fake Coro-free certificates  at the  Lagos Airport just as Collins Samuel who defrauded the Pandemic Unemployment Assistance  programme ( Virginia, USA) of $8000  has been jailed for two years. Yea; Coro-related criminal entrepreneurship continues unabated!  There are also reports that NAFDAC has shortlisted 16 herbal mixtures for trial while WHO has shortlisted 2 Nigerian vaccine-candidates for trial.  In a jocular twist, a man who was in the process of divorcing his wife scored an own-goal when he shot-down his wife (got her pregnant) during the lock-in and thus, the matter has settled itself. Earlier this month, I asked a neighbour’s daughter why she did not go to school that day and she said they were doing ‘turn-by-turn’. I  wondered what kind of rotation  she was involved in but when I probed further  she explained that they went to school in batches and that it was not her turn that day. So, schooling is now turn-by-turn, courtesy of Coro and thus, Muo’s Dictionary of Coro has another entry! Yonder, where strange things are normal, a lady, accosted for not masking-up in a supermarket simply slipped her  hands down-below, pulled up her underwear and used it to cover her face.

                                          The bizarre mask!           Douglas; the enforcer

In another bizarre development, 47-year-old Douglas Marks from Miami shot at a mother and son in the lobby of the Crystal Beach Suites in Miami Beach for failure to obey physical distancing rules. On the economic front, the
British Airways has lost €7.4bn due to Coro

while the CBN has disbursed N149.2 bn ‘win-the war’ Coro  loans to Nigerian households. I will soon ask, as Frank Olize did years ago, who and where are these households? On a final note, I congratulate the one and only OBJ for telling his Coro story by himself.

 

Re: A festival of oddities

I receive diverse feedbacks on my writings: some serious, some jocular, some brief, some long some eulogizing, some expanding the scope of the original piece and some neither here nor there. It is therefore difficult to share these feedbacks, more so when some people are already whining over the length of my interventions. However, once in a while, I   break my own rule. On my latest intervention, (a festival of oddities) which Barr MCK Ubah had described as literary therapy for reducing stress, I received a feedback from Sir Chudi Illo and here is it,

‘The Spirit at his best!. Please, in the subsequent edition, kindly conform that the Soweto School (that gave a cow-prize to the best student) was not established and run by Myetti Allah. Of course it is clear that the MassCom dept of COOU ( that gave a cock and yam) is an establishment of ‘ebe-ozo ihuowelle’ ( my ozo-title kindred), just as I am sure that the teachers in Niger state( who could neither read nor write) were  tested in ‘dogon turenci’ instead of Arabic education in which they were trained. That was the case of wrong parameter or the falcon not hearing the falconer. You may have forgotten to mention that the First Dog belonging to the POTUS, suffered from Trumps delayed handover process and due to the delay, nobody remembered to give the first dog a proper orientation on how to live in the white house. He was not informed that dogs in the White House do not bite! So he has been taken back to Delaware (his roots) for proper orientation. As for the UBE students in Makurdi (who were sent home for spiritual attack), they attempted to unearth the snake that swallowed the missing N28m and so, the god of snakes had to fight back. May I stop here so that the Benediction does not last longer than the Mass! Well, you can compare the original with the addendum and make up your mind as to who wears the crown!

- Ik Muo, PhD. Department of Business Administration, OOU, Ago-Iwoye, 08033026625