When I was much
younger, my interest in current affairs was consuming. At St Joseph’s Secondary
School, Awka-Etiti(1971-1975), I formed a Cooperative
Society of sorts, with the sole aim of
pooling resources to jointly buy daily copies
of ‘Renaissance’, which eventually
metamorphosised into Daily Star. We took turns to read the newspaper and as the sole
administrator, I would read first
before passing on to others. The paper was sold 10k then, but the financial
burden was too much for the son of man, and many of my mates in the immediate post-war era in the then East Central State. Every adult had just been
given #20 irrespective of what monetary
wealth one had. Of course, as an
active member of the debating and current affairs society, I had little choice.
At a later epoch, whenever I spent my leave at home, I would travel from
Igbo-Ukwu to Nnewi (across three LGAs) daily to buy newspapers. This quest for newspapers was so much that my
mother felt that some village people had
done me in and was convinced that I needed some deliverance.
That would not have been easy then
because the number of casting and binding men of God had not ballooned to its
current level. Eventually, Radio Nigeria and NTA, supported by VOA and BBC,
collaborated with the newspapers to ensure that my eyes ‘were open’ to the affairs of the world.
Eventually I came
across, and became a regular reader, of Guinness Book of Records. I was
fascinated by its records of the best, the worst, the longest and the shortest
of every phenomenon. I usually bought the copies at the ‘bend-down market’
and at times I bought some fresh ones. And I would read and re-read so as to be
at home with these fascinating records. Some developments including the
pursuit of specialised form of knowledge, more entanglement with family and
other affairs of the world, the increasing cost of GBR starting with the SAP era and the advent of internet, which democratised
all forms of knowledge and records, reduced my interest in GBR. I actually
forgot about GBR until Hilda Baci happened to us. That was the time when Hilda won the cook-a-thon,
and it was as if we had won the world
cup, especially amongst the Netzines.
One good (or bad) thing about Nigerians is that
whatever we start, we tend to overdo it: boutiques, hair-saloons, 3-wheeled cars( keke), slay-ship, ‘pastorpreneureship’, prophetprenureship,
criminal entrepreneurship. XYZ &
Sons, (even by bachelors), ‘Importer & Exporter’
(even somebody who buys from Lagos
Island and sells at Alaba). Well, before long, Nigerians wanted to have ‘a-thon’ for everything, with
desperate efforts made to dethrone Baci at home; a form of household
wickedness( Matthew, 10:36). Damilola Adeparusi, (Chef Dammy) was the first who attempted to unseat
Hilda and in her hurry, failed to follow
the due process. That was a few hours
after Hilda was certified by the GWR.
Chef Deo also took a shot at unseating Baci, with150hours cook-a-thon
completed on 6/7/23 just as Chef Limadia from Kogi did or attempted a192hour cook-a-thon;
while the 227 hour cook-a-thon by Chef Faila from Ghana was not
recognised by GWR. And like everything in Nigeria, efforts to create and break
Guinness records became an obsession, to the extent that Guinness was alleged
to have pleaded with Nigerians to take it easy while some Nigerians feared that
GWR would ban entries from Nigeria. Some people remarked that a-thon
had suffered greatly in Nigeria; others
were convinced that the number of attempts was a record of itself while one JOKist
threatened to come up with Idea-a-thon and puff-puff-a-thon! And
the ‘a-thon’ frenzy was so much that many people
recommended Hilda Baci for another award: for influencing the greatest number
of Guinness World Records attempts… and from one country. Since then, there has
been a lot of GWR attempts and victories,
from within and outside Nigeria, some of which are simply weird. Some are
not on the GWR list but they are records all the same.
Celestine Onele, an engineer attempted to break the records for iron-a-thon( The longest ironing period) Boluwatife, Oluwasemilore, Oluwadamilola, Oyekunle Ayanfeoluwa, Emmanuel, Michael, Oladele, won the ‘name-a-thon’ for the longest name at the University of Kent convocation ceremony, while I won another name-a-thon for the shortest name in the cloud (Ik Muo); MC Walter created an entertainment-a-thon by undertaking a 130 hour entertainment; Da Recipe Queen baked and taught people 54 cake recipes with 24 hours bake-a-thon; Tembu Ebere temporarily went blind while trying to win a 100-hour cry-a-thon( the longest period of crying); there was an attempted 3-day kiss-a-thon, which was banned by the Ekiti State Government for being absurd, unhealthy, immoral and capable of denigrating the image of the state… runs counter to the values of the people of the state and therefore capable of plunging our Youths morally backwards. Davido won the 2023 Pregna-a-thon( for impregnating the highest number of women across the globe, being the most versatile baby-daddy). But he may have to contend with Man-City defender, Benjamine Mendy who claims to have slept with over 10,000 women. He is just 28 and if he started ‘doing’’ at 18,the rate of knacking is almost 3 per day! Our dear BAT also won the 2023 sign-a-thon because na everyday & everything e de sign!
Wig-a-thon, drum-a-thon, Africa-a-thon Yahoo-a-thon
Other thons by Nigeria included
Oluwatobi Kufeji( 200-hour sing-a-thon);Big Tresh ( 125-hour
Live-a-Thon, longest video on Instagram);Helen Williams( two-in-one Wig-a-thon,
the longest handmade wig, and the widest wig), Ogungbadero and his crew( record-a-thon,
longest recording marathon), Joyce Ijeoma (Massage-a-thon;
longest massage; she collapsed in the process) 17 year-old Kelechi K Akor( melon-a-thon;
the most watermelon consumed in 30 seconds), Lisha S Dachor( nail-a-thon;
longest nail painting period ) Tunde Onakoya( Chess-a-thon);
Olaniyi Israel( Drum-a-Thon; 200 hour drumming)Lerioluwa Babalobi (Africa-a-thon; touring Africa with public transport in 9 months, spending 5
days in each country); Victor Odeh( Yahoo-a-thon; the
youngest internet fraudster who scammed a bank Kaduna of N222m at age 7).
Pregn-a-thon sex-a-thon, cry-a-thon &
melon-a-thon
But it is not a Nigerian thing; Sidney de Carvalho Mesquita
entered the Guinness records for popp-a-thon (popping his eyes
nearly 2cm out of sockets)
Jonathan Lee entered the records for sue-a-thon(having the
highest number of lawsuits ever and he sued GWR for listing his name without his consent); I
hope he does not sue me! Danny Zara, Camerounian (sex-a-thon;
200 hour sex marathon) and Artiste Maame (gum-a-thon; chewing gum
for 7 days)
Popp-a-thon. Sue-a-thon, gum-a-thon
In the realms of academia,
Daniel Ehis Aiguokhian, a student of the University of Calabar ( 7-day write-a thon;) Joshua Hassan joined the bandwagon with ACA-a-thon,
(lecturing for 150 hours) while Favor, from Edo State but studying at Kaduna State
University embarked on a
read-a-thon, reading non-stop for 150 hours.
Write-a-thon, read-a-thon and aca-a-thon
However, in celebration if my upcoming 67 birthday(January 1, 2025), I am planning to do a 67 hour book-a-thon. Meta AI defines a book-a-thon as a reading session where individuals read multiple books in a short period, often with a specific goal or theme in mind. At times it is related with read-a-thon and fund raising is often involved. My own book-a-thon however is DIFFERENT; it involves reading, writing and speaking for 67 hours. I will read 6 books (20 hours), write 6 papers (20 hours) and make 6 presentations (20 hours) and rest for 7 hours within the 67 hours; it is a combination of read-a-thon, write-a-thon and speak-a-thon. I am attempting the book-a-thon and even writing this as a form of Afghanistanism’ (to mentally escape from things happening at home in the recent past by focusing elsewhere). I have just spent N60000+ to fill my tank while another branch of my family business has just paid N23000 for darkness in a two-bedroom flat… in a month!) and we are being taxed out of existence!
However at my age and stage, there are certain peculiarities and preconditions for my book-a-thon. First, I need a one-bedroom executive Book-a-thon Suite , fully airconditioned, where I will stay for the whole period. I will move in one week in advance so as to acclimatise. The sitting room will be transparent so that peeping toms can see what is happening. This will be supported by a generator that can work nonstop for those 3 days, with waterworks and so on. I will recuperate for 7 days in the Bahamas. My live-in Chef for the whole period (book-a-thon and recovery) will be Sheff-Baci. Since she spent N80m for her cook-a-thon (even if she was cooking with blood and gold), I estimate that cheffing my special book-a-thon would take about N800m, since she will be cooking for an elder with special dietary needs. You don’t need to worry about how Baci and I will manage the single bed-room; You don’t have to know everything! Another house will be attached and occupied by the most proficient Professor of internal medicine during this period. An air ambulance should also be on standby 24x7. But before then, I will travel overseas, to procure the necessary books and allied materials, prop myself up medically (may be in France) and create awareness with a brief stopover at GWR office. I will also require a comprehensive insurance by two of the world’s oldest and most experienced insurance companies: Equitable Life Assurance( established 1762) and Franklin Health Insurance Company (established 1850). The cover will start from the book-a-thon period and end 1 year after, in case of ‘incasity’! Why all these conditionalities? Check out the records; the oldest of these ‘thon’ enthusiast is younger than my youngest child. At my age and stage, I need to be handled like the egg of an eagle!
Generator, Executive
book-a-thon suite, Chef Baci
So the first step is to obtain sponsorship for this expensive
attempt and as soon as everything is in
place, the preliminary steps will start, followed by the book-a-thon
and the post-thon activities. Don’t worry about whether Baci
would oblige; the offers are mouthwatering enough. And the sponsors will be
falling over themselves to take a piece of the pie because of the advert
effect of cobranding with the oldest thon enthusiast, who
is also an Muo (Spirit). Interested
sponsors should kindly contact my manager on 00419419419!
Other Matters: Nwokoma@70
Congratulations to my
classmate (Economics, UI, 1977-1980) and friend since then, Professor Ndubuisi
Nwokoma who turned 70 on May 15 and formally retired as a Professor of
Economics from UNILAG.
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Nice one Prof. I won't be left out in this athon🤣. I will be going for the longest draw*athon* very soon
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