In a lighter mood: A festival of oddities - Ik Muo, PhD

 

                                            Behold Dr Moose!

When I released my earth-shaking prophecies and predictions for 2021, I noted that the environment was so tensed up and filled with deadly, fearsome, coronised, and unsavory  news. I therefore  promised to lighten our moods by taking time off these dreary issues. Unfortunately, the doomful developments (economical, insecurity, coro) have been so pervasive that one cannot but revert to them. Indeed, apart from the unveiling of my world-class coro-dictionary,( Introducing the muoigbo Dictionary of Coro, 28/1/21) everything written so far this year has been damn serious.  When I reviewed the sitrep within the week, I decided to redeem my image by keeping my  promises and here we are celebrating a festival of oddities. I must warn upfront that as Osadebe philosphised years back, it may well be ‘osondi-owendi’ (what pleases some may infuriate others): some people may find the stories ‘laafious’ while some may not. Also note that some of the odd news did not occur just yesterday and as charity begins at home, I wish to start from my territory

Diversity of prizes!

The best graduating student of Vuwani Secondary School in Soweto, South Africa, Thabelo Mudau, has been awarded with a cow for his success.  I wanted to laugh but I noted that a cow costs as much as N250000 and then I looked at the situation in Nigeria and I did not know whether to laugh or cry. In 2017, Best Somadina,  the best graduating student of MassCom at Chukwuemeka Odumegwu Ojukwu University (COOU),  was gifted with a tuber of yam, a fowl and a certificate. But I think he was luckier than Bamiseye TT, best graduating student, Civil Engineering at Ekiti State University who was gifted  with N100, boldly written in words and figure, and advised to undertake the stress of chasing the money at the Bursary Department. It reminds me of a PG student who had the best result since her department was created(50+) and was offered N500 prize! I advised the hardworking and lucky recipient to collect the letter of award but to  donate the N500 to the university’s endowment fund. This happened in a first generation university in the South-West of Nigeria. In Niger State, a committee set up by the Universal Basic Education Board discovered, amongst others, some 1000 teachers who could neither read nor write, thereby confirming a statement by the governor that about 60% of the teachers in the state were not qualified.  You see the harm we do to ourself? And I am not sure that anything happened to the ‘HR experts’ who employed those fellows.

In our days, there were jobs to be taken and we did not regard teaching as a job. The reply them was ‘I don’t have a job; I am just teaching’. Today, it is obvious that the essence of education is no longer to get a job but to equip people with the knowledge, skills, attitudes and other traits to navigate through our complicated and treacherous environment. However, some people are yet to appreciate that reality or react in some odd ways to it. One  Lion, Joseph Ochie (a graduate of UNN) has advertised his certificate for sale as he could not secure a job with. This was exactly what an unknown South-African lady (@mthethwa_faith) did when she advertised her  Social Work degree for sale  because she could not secure  job with it, asking those who knew what to do with it to apply. I don’t know whether she learnt from Joseph or he learnt from her. And then, Usman Abubakar from Kastina State reportedly burnt all his certificates ( NYSC, First Degree, WAEC) because they were of no use to him.

This trio appear to agree with the Kenyan Socialite  Huddah Monroe who had declared (in her own warped mind)that degrees were no longer useful or some of our monied men who ask: what is the worth of  a degree.

Moose, an 8-year-old therapy dog at the Cook Counseling Center has bagged a doctorate degree in Veterinary Medicine, from the university where he had worked since 2014. His citation reads something like this ‘Along with attending football games, club events, and new student orientations, Moose also helps students cope with anxiety, trauma and other mental health issues. He has helped thousands of students and assisted in more than 7,500 counseling sessions’. But Moose is not alone in this news-making business as  Wilbur, a 6 month old French bulldog was recently elected the Mayor Rabbit Hash, Kentucky.

The Mayor!    The first-dog elect

The puppy ‘is dealing with the stress of being the mayor quite well. ‘He’s done a lot of interviews locally,’  a lot of belly scratches and a lot of ear rubs.’
And you recall that as Joe Biden was preparing for his inauguration as the POTUS, an indoguration  ceremony was also organized for the first-dog elect, Major & Champ.  The show, at which Josh Groban performed, raised up to $100,000, with many dog owners nominating their dogs for positions in Major’s cabinet. I don’t blame them;  they are safe( nobody is kidnapping anybody); they receive mouthwatering unemployment packages and they have the time.

Early this month, the UBE Junior Secondary School in Makurdi, sent the female students home after 7 of them were afflicted by spiritual attack in a space of 4 days. Under the spiritual attack, called “Iyor genen” the students would experience seizures and chest pain after which they will fall down and some others would be running around.”

However, the festival of addities is not limited to the realms of education. In Kenya, a 49 year old sex worker, Sarah Mutero recently retired after 22 years of ‘active service’ during which she serviced 28,000 men.

The retiree!

As her retirement package, she received a parcel of land worth Sh120,000 in Makuyu, Murang’a County.
Just the other day, there was celebrations in Democratic Republic of Congo when the JACK Sanctuary  welcomed 20 rare-specie monkeys  to a ceremonious home-coming. The monkeys had been rescued from traffickers in Zimbabwe and it took months of coordinated international effort for them to return home. It was around the same time that our own Sowore, a former presidential candidate, stormed the court with a native-doctor.

Sowore & his spiritual adviser!

 It is note worthy that he was being tried for leading a protest( not a mutiny) at a time when  the government was negotiating with bandits and other non-state actors, who are the key players in the kidnap-ransom  circuit. I did not say that the government had given them money!  In a new valentines day celebration method, Viktoria Pustovitova, 28, and Alexander Kudlay, 33,  decided to begin an experimental coupling by chaining themselves together, something that was planned to last till May 14( 3 months). While chained together, they had mastered going to the toilet, washing dishes, cooking, doing their online businesses and driving their car until they ended up in the hospital from the wounds caused by the chains. Guess what led to this? The girl always stormed out after every minute quarrel and the young man felt that the best way would be to chain themselves together.one of them needed medical attention. 

With this festival of oddities, I hope I have succeeded in lightening your mood for the upcoming weekend.

-Ik Muo, PhD. Department of Business Administration, Olabisi Onabanjo University.08033026625